Empathy with Boundaries
The Underrated Skill That Keeps You in the Game
If you do IRS representation and controversy work or really, any work involving human beings, you’ve probably had a day like this:
You’re buried in deadlines, juggling notices, and trying to get one thing done. A client calls or messages in a panic. Again. It’s the third time this week, and they’re spiraling because of a new IRS letter they just got in the mail.
“I can’t sleep. I feel like this is never going to end!”
And just like that, you’re not just a tax pro anymore. You’re a therapist. A crisis manager. An emotional sponge.
That’s empathy. And if you do this work well, you have a lot of it.
But here’s the thing nobody tells you when you start doing this type of work:
Empathy without boundaries will wreck you.
Empathy Is a Strategic Skill, Not a Soft One
Let’s start with what empathy actually is, because many people confuse it with being overly accommodating or emotionally reactive.
Empathy isn’t about fixing someone’s feelings. It’s about understanding them.
It’s showing up with compassion, listening without judgment, and creating a sense of safety — so your client (or colleague) can take the next step without feeling alone.
Empathy helps you:
Build trust quickly
Defuse panic
Get to the truth faster
Keep people engaged through a stressful process
Example from my own practice:
I once had a client ghost me for over a month right in the middle of a critical collections case. When I finally got them on the phone, they broke down. “I was so overwhelmed I couldn’t even open the mail.”In that moment, empathy helped me reconnect not lecture. And we got it back on track.
This is why empathy isn’t just “nice.” It’s strategic. When clients feel seen and safe, they communicate more clearly, follow through more reliably, and trust the process. And when trust is high, outcomes tend to be better.
But Empathy Without Boundaries Will Burn You Out
Let’s be honest. This job is already hard.
If you start taking on the weight of everyone else’s panic, fear, or financial shame, you won’t last long.
It’s not your job to absorb your clients’ anxiety.
It’s your job to guide them through it.
Empathy means understanding their fear.
Boundaries mean you don’t let that fear run your calendar.
A client sends you a message four times on a Saturday night with photos of a new IRS notice.
No boundaries? You respond immediately, log in to your system, and start prepping an email.
Healthy boundaries? You reply Monday morning:
“Thanks for sending that over. I’ll review it today and get back to you this afternoon.”
Boundaries allow you to care without sacrificing yourself.
And they actually make your empathy more sustainable.
This Applies to Colleagues, Too
Empathy isn’t just for your clients. Your team, your referral partners, even your competitors — they’re all human, too.
And in this profession, a lot of us are walking around under intense pressure, hiding burnout behind late-night emails and short tempers. You can see examples of this on social media. People are burned out and operating with no boundaries.
Instead of assuming someone’s being flaky or difficult, empathy invites a different question:
“What else might be going on here?”
Perhaps the staffer who consistently misses deadlines is struggling with childcare issues.
Perhaps the employee who snapped at you is dealing with a personal issue.
Perhaps they’re overwhelmed and don’t know how to express it.
Empathy doesn’t mean tolerating unprofessional behavior. However, it does mean pausing before you react and remembering that everyone’s doing the best they can with what they have.
And Sometimes People Weaponize Your Empathy
Now let’s talk about the harder side of all this.
Because, unfortunately, there are people in this profession and in life who will exploit your empathy.
They’ll take your kindness as weakness.
They’ll cross boundaries and call it collaboration.
They’ll badmouth you behind your back while smiling to your face.
You can’t avoid people like that. But you can choose how you respond. A trusted friend and mentor once told me that when you start doing better and becoming more well-known, people will become jealous. I brushed it off, thinking that that would apply to others, but not me. No, it applies to everyone.
You can understand someone’s behavior without accepting it.
You can walk away without needing to win the last word.
You can lead with empathy and still protect your peace.
Boundaries are what keep you from carrying other people’s dysfunction. This dysfunction isn’t yours to fix.
Empathy might help you see why someone acts the way they do, but boundaries tell you when it’s time to walk away.
How I Practice Both
Here’s how I bring empathy and boundaries into my actual work:
Client onboarding
“This process can feel overwhelming and intrusive at times,but we will walk you through each step. We are here to help you resolve the problem.”
Communication expectations
“You’re welcome to message us anytime, but we respond during business hours. You can also use the schedule link to book an appointment.”
There have been times when I was on vacation and I received a message from a client. They are panicking over an IRS notice that I know is not nearly as serious as they perceive it to be. There have been times I have picked up the phone and spent less than 5 minutes explaining this to them. It builds rapport and trust. But, making that call was my choice.
Colleague conflict
Instead of reacting immediately to something abrupt or passive-aggressive, I wait a day. Most of the time, the issue resolves itself — or I can approach it with a clearer head. It is important to remember that written communication can sound different to you than it does to the person writing it.
Weekly check-in
Every Saturday, I ask myself:
“Am I staying present with people or getting pulled into their stress?”
If I’m feeling depleted, I know it’s time to reset a boundary. We cannot care more than the client does.
Empathy gets them in the door.
Boundaries keep you from walking out.
The work we do is emotional. Financial stress hits people at their core. You’re not just handling tax issues, you’re holding space for fear, shame, and confusion.
That’s why empathy is your superpower.
But without boundaries? It will burn you out or worse.
I’ve known tax professionals who quite literally worked themselves to death.
No breaks. No boundaries. No breathing room.
And for what? To say they answered every client email at midnight?
Overworking isn’t noble.
Burning out isn’t a badge of honor.
It’s a warning sign.
Empathy opens the door.
Boundaries keep the door from falling off the hinges.
And together, they make the work worth doing and the life around it worth living.
Lead with empathy. Hold the line. Build something you don’t want to escape from.
How do you practice empathy while maintaining boundaries?